REAL Women Don’t Cheat

by Dr. Merle Ray

 

 

 

 

 

Click here to View Video  or read lesson below. This entire course can be completed online. You can also download, save to your computer or print the pdf form-fillable copy.

 

We are in serious trouble when the closest heroine a young woman can find when she has a man problem is a pistol-packing churched grandmother who smokes dope and has a criminal record. Female sages of wisdom are scarce these days, even for the rich and famous. Just ask country music singing group, the Dixie Chicks. One has to wonder which female champion they consulted with before they all posed nude on the cover of a magazine some years back. They were attempting to justify a nasty remark they made about then U.S. President George W. Bush on foreign soil during wartime. Tyler Perry’s ‘Madea’ and the Dixie Chicks: what do these ‘women’ have in common?

 

They cheated!

 

One broke our idea of what a religiously correct “Grandma” looks like, and became a television, movie, and media sensation. The other broke our idea of a politically-correct “Whistling Dixie” and walked away with five Grammy’s. They used the rules of our culture to break the rules of our culture. And many saw them as heroes.

 

But what happens in real everyday life when the women in our culture cheat in applying the rules of our culture? When they are unfaithful to those who love them most? Are we laughing saying, “It’s okay; that’s just their basic right to freedom of speech and expression?” When mothers are hanging their children and then turning around and hanging themselves, are we sitting down writing prime time sit-coms about it? While entire families across our nation are being wiped out as a result of domestic violence, drug addiction, and teenage terrorism, are we now calling it entertainment and rallying for our basic freedoms to smoke pot, carry weapons, and pose nude on the cover of a magazine?

 

Not to overlook men, but when women are missing in action from their families – when they offer themselves to other women’s husbands – when they reject their children or do even worse – or simply can’t see their God-given potential, I don’t accept those things as just another part of life..

 

 

 

So, when women cheat, they break sacred ground. They violate the right in favor of the wrong. They cross one cultural boundary that is virtually unarguable in every humane society – the rule that real women don’t cheat. They are faithful – to God, themselves, their families, and their country. As my pastor would say, “You missed a good place to clap right there.”

 

From Hootchie to Holy

 

What makes a woman cheat and what constitutes cheating? Is there some epidemic responsible? Moreover, men of all nationalities are asking, “Where can I find one of these real women, faithful to God, self, her family, and her country?”  With all the talk in America about desperate housewives and daring divas, real men with inquiring minds want to know where have all the real women gone?

 

Our identity or the lack thereof, and our strength, regardless of age, race, background, or status is what God is causing us to examine in this book. Unfortunately culture has labeled, re-labelled, and mislabeled identity for many of us. For example, many might think this book is geared toward the ‘loose,’ “fast,” or ‘indiscreet’ girl or young woman because I use the term “hootchie” in the book. If that’s what you’re thinking, then that would be a mistake. I’ll give you a fresh new perspective for looking at the problem of “hootchies” at every level of society. I certainly want to challenge your definition of that word. God has something to say about hootchies. You’d be surprised to hear what He says.

 

Women with identity issues are not all young, poor, loose, or neglected. But they are all unfulfilled. If you are tired of seeing beautiful women – young and old – rich and poor – turned into desperate dying dilemmas, this book is for you. Younger women feel they are alone in their thinking about men, mind, and morality issues. They don’t know how much we older women have our issues too – even in the church. Consequently, I want to also challenge your spiritual identity and your biblical worldview. Why? Because women with identity issues have a lively spirit. Yet, they live with passion that is stifled and hindered or sometimes no passion at all.

 

Moreover, they live without an understanding of who they are in relationship to their source of truth and thus, their source of strength. They become unpregnant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And why shouldn’t they be? We churched women act as if everyday is just another day while other women in need around the world have to spend their 24 hours a day dramatizing to survive.

 

How wrong we are to neglect laying our heads on the spiritual chest of Daddy God to hear what He’s saying to heal the hearts and souls of women everywhere. We would never look at another woman the same if we only knew God’s wider definition of womanhood.

 

 

MOVE TO REAL WOMANHOOD DISCUSSION FORUM: QUESTION 1

 

 

This book isn’t advice for the churched woman. It’s wisdom for every woman. When I finally discovered the truth that I was God’s woman, I became more exciting, more approachable, more desirable, and fulfilled. Hollywood calls that Sexy. Look at the time we spend watching other women fake being that. Why do we follow them on social media and why do we like to watch what happens with their lives and careers? Because Sexy people like to hang out with other sexy people. I for one would like to see more of them in the church! The exciting, approachable, desirable, and fulfilled.

 

You have heard, “The more we spend time in the presence of God the more attractive we become.”  That sounds nice. Oh, but it’s a process! The problem with being in the presence of God is one becomes keenly aware of just how unattractive and undone one really is inside where no one else can see.

 

 

 

 

Today, God has come to stop the drama! In your life and in this book, we are going to expose how much women both in and out of the church have traded in identity for the lies of our culture. We’ve rejected the truth in order to embrace conditions in our various environments. You know the lies – they’ve become so pervasive that we have totally accepted them as truth. Lies cause us to believe there is nothing wrong with – high divorce rates, children in poverty, sexual perversion, addiction and adultery even amongst church people. Lies tell us it’s okay to sleep around as long as we use protection. They tell us it’s okay to take a man who belonged to a wife as long as he wasn’t happy with her. Lies tell us we ought to get excited about seeing the surreal in society or the media, rather than searching for the absolute truth of what the Father is saying about a situation or circumstance.

 

Many lies tell us to go for wealth in our careers and professions without going for wisdom. These are the same lies that tell us as women that we have to be this or that in order to be successful, accepted, worthy, straight, and significant.

 

For ages, these deceptions focused our attention on being copies instead of masterpieces. Living with the reality of hurtful conditions like broken families, adultery, divorce, addiction, immoral and unjust social, political, and corporate ethics all around – has caused our spiritual identity crisis. Instead of seeking and relating to God for answers, we are more reliant on icons as idols even in the church. I call this spiritual hootchie-ism. It has captivated those who would never step foot in a church, as well as those who were literally born and bred there once.

 

      As a result we’ve traded our God-given identity in for the views of the world, and we’re not really sure what a God worldview is all about. What’s worse is we’re not really sure what His biblical worldview is not.

 

Geared to women, don’t think that this book excuses the men in our society and their need for identity. When truth is revealed, it applies to men also. But for now, let’s focus on how we women can allow the Holy Spirit to get inside our heads and hearts to lead us out of this spiritual identity crisis our culture has lured us into.

 

MOVE TO REAL WOMANHOOD DISCUSSION FORUM: QUESTION  2

 

 

The (8) principles of womanhood that I’ve come to live by and are covered in the book are just the beginning. They apply to us all. Yet there are some personal principles God wants to whisper in your own ear. You will only find them when you find Him desirable enough to search out. That is when God becomes sexy to you. I’m not talking of male and female attraction – for God is Spirit and those that adore Him, do so in spirit and in truth (John 4:24). The secret things of God and you – I cannot help you with. But I promise you can find them!  I started finding my secret things when God – just like a Lover – became my passion.

 

Seriously, you can always tell how hot or popular something is by how sexy it becomes. For me, everything changed when God became sexy. I cannot begin to express or claim all there is to know about Him. One thing I do know, true identity is in knowing and experiencing God like a Lover, and allowing Him to fill you up.

 

Some say that Christianity in America is declining. They say make room for the new-fangled philosophies of the latest spiritual craze. They say that we have a new lineup of  multiple choices when it comes to spirituality. Indeed, what I tell you, shout from the housetops. God is not a philosophy! And belief in Him isn’t a trendy fad or fashion garment that one wears for a season when it’s hot and then take it off when the weather gets cold. THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE TO THE TRUTH. The only other option is to live a lie. GOD wants women to know that He is the source of a woman’s existence and thus, He is the source of her power and strength, regardless of whether she chooses to believe and tap in to Him or not.

 

 

Listen up

 

There are many reasons why I feel every woman should hear me out. First I am at a place where I am able to be transparent. Fortunately, for you that means I don’t have to pose naked to get you to read my stuff. Second is the fact that I’m a woman – a real woman – conquering my very own woman’s issues. I’m not a cross-dresser expressing the female agenda in drag. That’s a real plus too! But, I feel all women should listen up because the challenges of identity aren’t isolated to just me or where I grew up.

 

My story goes:

 

• From poverty to hitting corporate America glass ceilings to entrepreneurship;
• From learning that two marriages weren’t enough and three to five were too many;
• From aborting babies to praying for more to be born;
• From experiencing men (both religious & not) to knowing the ultimate spiritual masculinity of God.

 

The issues of a woman cross different cultures. But what I’m most thrilled about is that I can open my own delicate mouth and talk about them. I don’t have to wait on legislation that says, “I have the right to express my views about God.” I don’t have to feel like less of a person because I believe God! That’s the beauty of a Godly biblical worldview. My own womanhood inspired by a Divine Creator has imprinted those inalienable distinctions upon my spirit, soul, and body. And in doing so, the Creator gave me my real womanhood. I know who I am and I know what I deserve and I know what is my inheritance right here right now.

 

Don’t get me wrong; history has proven that policies concerning the rights of women, minorities, and religious rights are extremely necessary. But you and I shouldn’t have to wait on a bill before we enforce our own personal legislation. Mine says, “I will not tolerate being degraded – not in any form – not from anyone.” This means I don’t care to click it, watch it, buy it, read it, dance to it, believe it, support it, or vote for it – if it doesn’t honor God who created me!”

 

Worldview wisdom for women is not about politics but about finding oneself. Growing up finding out that just about every culture in the world mistreats its women was heartbreaking. Learning that each woman must have a strategy to gain victory in this area despite her culture was overwhelming. But I’m finding that it’s not the issues we face as women that define us, it’s the godly woman in them.

 

Most women are not even aware that their culture is cheating them out of their identity. They just know they don’t feel good about themselves or the world around them. Women of low educational or economic status aren’t the only ones who may face feelings of inferiority, oppression, alienation, or unworthiness. These feelings creep up in women who make millions and have multiple educational degrees. Exiting my own dramas and traumas of my mind, men, and morality has been a bumpy ride. But as a result of having gone through it, I am standing today. It is my hope that you will see your own womanhood differently after reading this book and answering the questions therein. For some, you will develop a worldview that is preserved by a self-worth rooted in God as your secret weapon and strength. For others, you will know you’re making a difference in the world around you as a result of applying godly principles. And as for others, I believe your thinking concerning your own man issues, mind issues, and morality issues will change to begin to work for you right here right now.

 

Thankfully, because of God and experiencing His wider definition of my womanhood, the various cultures of society are no longer cheating me out of fulfilling my destiny.

 

Moreover, I am no longer cheating myself.

 

Here’s one note before we jump right in to this powerful teaching and research on you and your self. Remember when God came looking for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden after they had eaten of the forbidden tree of knowledge of good and evil? God asked Adam, “Where are you?” And Adam said, “I’m hiding because I’m naked.” God then replies, “Who told you that you were naked?”

 

When your situations and circumstances push you into a place within yourself where you feel inadequate, lost, depressed, oppressed, or disturbed and without an inheritance or covering, it is very easy to feel weak and exposed. When you are pushed into a place in your mind or a place in your relationship with your man, your family, your job, your business, your boss, or others, or even when you are pushed beyond your limits into a dark place in your relationship with God, because of who God is, and because of who you are in Him, even if it were possible to catch the Father on what I call an off day, a stupid day, a foolish day, He’s got more power in a sneeze, hiccup, or burp to fulfill your wildest dream or imagination. You don’t have to cheat yourself out of your own identity and strength from the Father. You don’t have to believe what everybody else is doing or settling for in their identities. You’ve got your own inheritance from the Father. In Christ, you are never a failure!

 

“Who told you that you were naked?”

 

MOVE TO REAL WOMANHOOD DISCUSSION FORUM: QUESTION 3.