REALWomanhood: How much of your life is not really about living, but about what others expect of you?
Written by Dr. Merle Ray on December 23, 2018
Lesson 2 – Pondering Questions
Who’s Defining Your Womanhood
Textbook: Spiritual Identity by Dr. Merle Ray
Instructions:
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Sharron Austin On April 11, 2020 at 2:35 pm
From a little girl i was the one every depended so i would say about 85% of my life pleasing and moving according other peoples thought. i was the neighbor nanny, CNA FOR THE ELDER; and my house was where all children gather. Not until about one year ago I began to ask God to help me to take control .No was a part of my vocabulary . now i can do it no feel guilty
brendab On April 5, 2020 at 7:09 pm
It use to be like that , until I realize that I was allowing others to define me and then I had to start making some changes with me in order to be free of others opinion of me
Kimberly Thompson On April 5, 2020 at 5:18 pm
I’ve always been the one everyone looked to for strength, I learned to suppress and sweep my hurts, disappointments under the rug. I realize 99% of my life has been based on what others expectEd of me. Now that I’m newly single, divorced and all children are grown, I struggle to find out who I am, what I like, because it never mattered before; everything was all about the comfort and happiness of everyone else.
Jerrelyn Gaines On April 5, 2020 at 5:16 pm
All of the outside noise that’s there to block me/us from becoming and being one with God.
Juanita Robinson On April 5, 2020 at 4:49 pm
Looking through the lens of the LORD, oppose to what I was focusing on. The Holy Spirit revealed how much I’ve overcome through not trying to meet the expectations of others. I’m learning to live and press towards fulfilling my GOD given destiny.
brendab On April 21, 2020 at 4:39 pm
Amen I concur Sis, it has to be determination involved, to fulfill our destiny
Christie Mangum On April 5, 2020 at 3:54 pm
Most of my life unfortunately has been about what others expect or think of me. I had to experience some real hurts and let downs from others to turn my attention to God my creator so that He could REINTERATE to me who he made me to be. He’s been telling me all of the time in his word exactly who he made me to be, what he thinks of me, what he expects of me and how my life would be prosperous if only I abide in him. I think one of the mistakes I made was instead of listening to what God was saying and believing him about me, I was trusting those in God’s house to validate me and that’s where the let down came in. I found out that that’s what he wanted to happen, so that I can see how frail and faulty they are as well and how we all need him.
Diana Williams On April 5, 2020 at 3:09 pm
For so many years I have journeyed along the pathway of mistaken identity, in the church, school, relationships, and work. succumbing to the societal views of others, self perceptions, and lies of the enemy. I have felt voiceless, and I myself began to believe the lies in my head. Oftentimes forsaking the Word of God because I could not receive it for myself, but readily accepted and believed it for others. You see my thinking and self perception were so riddled with lies and deceptions. However, because of spending time in God’s word and allowing Holy Spirit to renew my mind by the washing of the Word I can now see clearer. I now know that I do have a voice, and I am no longer voiceless, a mishap, misfit, or VICTIM, but I AM AN OVERCOMER. I emerge day by day as I sit at His feet and allow Him to reveal to me my true authentic self. Guess what, I also have a voice. It’s a journey I will continue to travel, until I manifest into the Vessel He fashioned me to be, which will bring Him Glory.
Teressa Simmons On April 5, 2020 at 10:33 am
The truth is I have lived most of my life according to what others have expected of me. One day in prayer I began to tell God how tired I was of always doing things to please everyone else. I wanted to live for me, loving me, doing things that I desired. At first, I felt guilty thinking like this. Some how I learned to believe I did not deserve to be happy or have anything good in life. I was so tired of living this way. I was suffocating and hurting watching others live their dreams. I was suffocating in my home, family, marriage, church, and this world. I wanted out the deep water of despair and I wanted someone to help me get out. I wanted to breathe on my own and for myself. One day in a cry of desperation, I ask God to help me and deliver me from the bondage of everyone else’s expectations of me. He told me to take authority over the false narrative in my life and destroy them with decrees from His word. I had to make a decision. I had to break the false narratives and release myself from others expectations of me. When I did God caused me to break the surface in my own life and breathe for myself. It feels so good! Free in Christ and I am never going back!
LaShawn Darthard On April 4, 2020 at 11:36 pm
This was a long journey for me to overcome. My family and a few others expectation for my life weren’t what I had in vision it to be. Along with help from my mentor I begin to work on boundaries which has been my greatest obstacle. Although my choice was not there’s my determination and passion to live my purpose is now being accepted.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 4:32 am
Praise God you hung in there and are seeing the fruit of your labor! Great courage, LaShawn!
Yolanda Perry On April 4, 2020 at 11:34 pm
95 percent of my life was lived to please others because I did not know who I was. I am learning who I am and beginning to live for me and not for others. Truth be told people don’t think about me as much as I think they do. It is sad to live a life pleasing others and die sad, unfilled on the inside. This is not who God created me to be. I decree and declare that I know who I am and I am complete/whole in Christ Jesus. I decree and declare I no longer will live my life attempting to please people who will never be satisfied.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 3:49 am
Yolanda, bless you! God tells his daughters to owe no man nothing, except to love them, as you love yourself and love God, for God is love. Glad to see that you are finding life!
Dodie LaMott On April 4, 2020 at 10:27 pm
Thinking through this question is very serious, I ask myself who is really defining me so I believe I really need to spend some alone time with self and God and seek the right answer. I want to be clear in this defining moment.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 3:50 am
Amen!
Evelyn Wilson On April 4, 2020 at 10:08 pm
As I read I realize how much time women spend lining their lives up with what is expected of them from their jobs, the church and others, that we sometimes fined it hard to take the time to develop who you are as well as finding your identity and success while putting every other purpose above your own.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 4:03 am
Amen, Elder Evelyn, regarding what you said about “I realize how much time women spend living their lives up to what is expected of them,…” God wants us to know Him so we can know ourselves, because we are made in His image. Since God loves us and tells us that we are His instruments to love others. How can we do that unless we love Him, know Him, love ourselves, and know ourselves? In order to love God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our strength, we have to know something about love – and where do we get that understanding and insight, except it come from God? Otherwise, our focus on ourselves will be nothing but self-centered, self-focused, and self-serving. God wants us to know Him so we can know ourselves, because we are made in His image. This perspective opens up a whole deeper level of knowledge and intimacy for us with God.
brendab On April 21, 2020 at 4:44 pm
I had to realize Sis that I needed more God time and to shut out every other voice that was speaking to me in ordered to fulfill my destiny, and I still have to sometimes refocus my thoughts because you can easily be distracted especially when it comes to your children and their problems, and find yourself trying to solve problems, instead of sending them to the problem solver our God
Jacqueline Williams On April 4, 2020 at 8:58 pm
My childhood dream was to one day get marry, have four children and be a stay at home mom. So, after I graduated from college with a BBA degree I did just that. Though I did what I always dreamed of doing, and it was some of the happiest times in my life, I was criticized and talked about. When my college friends would call the first question they asked me was “So, how many children do you have now?”; “What are you doing now?” Or when I got pregnant with my 3rd child and called my mother with excitement only to be dishearten with her words “I don’t want to hear it, why are you having all these children?” (when we have never had to ask anyone for help) or to hear my brother in law say to my husband, “I give you my condolences”. Needless to say, when I became pregnant with my 4th child I didn’t share my joy. This is just one example of me living life and at the same time had to struggled with pushing pass the opinions of others to live. What I choose to do in that season of my life was not valued by others because there was no dollar value attached to it.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 4:12 am
Wow, thank you for sharing a part of your story – how your life was devalued by the views of our culture. Bless God that He saw you and your delight and dedication to family as jumping in to what God was doing on earth, being a blessing, multiplying, and replenishing the earth – and subduing it! That’s what He told us to do. Subduing the earth through the mountain of family is just as important as subduing the earth through the mountains of business and economics, for people were not made for the earth. The earth was made for people – as people were made for God’s glory!
Deborah Stevens On April 4, 2020 at 6:24 pm
When I was younger, I worried about being understood and received by others. As my relationship with God progressed, I learned to appreciate that God made me uniquely, intentionally. I know I don’t have to apologize for being different. I’ve learned to see myself as God’s vessel.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 4:15 am
Awesome insights, Deborah!
Destinee Montgomery On April 2, 2020 at 9:13 pm
Im a person who is always trying to be there for someone, do for someone… I did that because I was always looking at their expectations of me. Doing it so I could fit in, doing it to feel wanted, doing it to feel useful. But a few years ago I began to realize that wasn’t who I was, and I wasn’t going to keep being dragged around just to feel good and or get great expectations out of people. I lost a lot of people because of it but I gained MYSELF.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 4:18 am
Awesome, I applaud you, Destinee, for taking the courage to be who you are and find the woman God created in you! He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him! You will continue to discover your unique self separate and apart from what the culture says to you. You will hear God’s voice and develop faith in Him to raise you up into the person you are BEING and BECOMING! I salute you, woman of God!
Barbara Crater On March 28, 2020 at 2:14 pm
As I look on it now it has been a life long battle to fight against what others expect of me. Now I understand the inner drive in me to want to live.
Dr. Merle Ray On March 29, 2020 at 1:23 pm
That’s awesome, Barbara! Transformation is awesome!
Evelyn Wilson On April 4, 2020 at 10:06 pm
As I read I realize how much time women spend lining their lives up with what is expected of them from their jobs, the church and others, that we sometimes fined it hard to take the time to develop who you are as well as finding your identity and success while putting every other purpose above your own.
Dr. Merle Ray On April 5, 2020 at 4:05 am
You are right, and God also tells us to “esteem others higher than yourself.” So, how do you do both and still be whole?